this weather is making me feel all kinds of things i don’t want to feel.

giving feels so much better than receiving

but sometimes,

i get tired of giving.

i’m tired of holding everyone’s hands,

i can’t do it anymore.

i need someone to hug me and hold my hand and tell me everything’s going to be okay

i need someone

to love me too.

i wish i didn’t feel this way.

i am in a bad mood

i will bake something.

IF ONLY THE DAMNED BUTTER WOULD MELT ALREADY.

and Chopin, hurry up and download can or not?

grrr.

why is serena always dressed like a skank, why?

also,

mmm chuck bass.

MMMMM…

Pic @ Gossip Girl Insider

MMM.

now my head hurts from all this tv watching.

sometimes,when life is going (relatively) well for me

(by which i mean i have no dilemmas e.g. which colour to pick hahaha ok not really)

i like to do soul-destroying, confidence-shattering, and generally self-worth-undermining things.

i do this every so often, and then i often feel like a heel (and the crap it’s stepped in) for the rest of the day

so i TRY to do it at suitable times, e.g. 8 pm, when it’s late enough to not totally mess up the rest of the day but not too late that it stops me from sleeping.

(HA, that is a lie, nothing stops me from sleeping.)

i wonder why i continue to do these stupid things.

actually i must admit that deep down, i do know the reason,

(even if i try and hide or deny it)

and so do you,

except i can’t actually tell you,

because then you’d know that i know you know.

oh screw it we all know.

*

yesterday i had a long conversation with a friend about a situation we both wish we could do something about, or say something about, or just understand, really..

but then again it’s really none of our business

mind your own beeswax

is what we will be doing

(except i am allergic to beestings)

*

it’s too early in the day to be thinking about all these things.

i’m looking forward to my thursday and friday and saturday.

lalalalalalala.

in the meantime, i’m going to lie in bed and listen to music and think happy thoughts.

PANTS

with no POCKETS

are excellent things.

BECAUSE.

if you have no POCKETS,

you cannot put things like TISSUE PAPER into them

and FORGET to remove said tissue

and THUS

spend an HOUR

removing BITS OF TISSUE

from ALL YOUR CLOTHES

when you do your laundry!

see.

so in FACT

pants with no pockets

are TIME SAVING!

*

i am TORN between

this

and this

and this.

and when i decide on THIS,

i will regret this and this

and then i will stress out about getting THIS

and worry that maybe if i had gotten this or this instead life would have been easier.

SCREAM.

i just want this whole thing to be over

so that i can go home

and hug my dogs

and squeeze them until they EXPLODE.

i could walk across the ocean

with you walking next to me

we are a story,slowly unfolding

today i discovered that happiness

is not something we find

it’s something we create.

*

(baby i’m sorry i made you feel that way)

important lessons i have learned from gossip girl this week.

1. if you have large horsey veneers and restylane enhanced lips and are in actual fact 22 (or however old you are, “olivia burke”) there’s really no need to wear six pounds of eye makeup before 10 am. or ever.

2. when making sneaky-plotty phonecalls re: dastardly trickery to one’s co-conspirators, one should

a) make sure doors are secured and

b) stand facing the door so you can catch People You Have Just Duped when they walk in on you.

but then again if nate were smart enough to do this we wouldn’t have a “plot”.

3. Queen B needs to make a comeback, GIVE THE GIRL A BREAK ALREADY.

4. also yesterday on the train i sat opposite a guy who was a dead ringer for carter baizen, only more stubbly.

5. but that is not actually a lesson.

i love gossip girl,

but everyone seems to be going ten kinds of crazy this season!

gargh.

a bridge connects two places together, not one place to another.

how indeed?

i like euroa.

i wonder why?

“knowledge is all very well,

but rank stupidity is often rewarded surprisingly richly.”

nummynums!

*beams*

if there has been one lesson that i’ve learnt lately-

it’s that one should endeavour not to lock one’s self in the toilet.

indeed.

i spent this morning sitting in the sun drinking coffee and reading and watching the world go by and now i’ve turned into one of those people i just want to smack all the time.

gah.

toodles my darlings i’m going to watch 500 days of summer.

ah summer.

courtesy Postsecret

sometimes I just want to hug someone.

will you?

the cheesecake, it is pretending to be a cupcake.

tsktsk.

we all try to be something we’re not-

even dessert.

sigh.

“Whatever in connection with my professional practice or not in connection with it, I see or hear, in the life of men, which ought not to be spoken abroad, I will not divulge, as reckoning that all should be kept secret.”

-The Hippocratic Oath

indeed.

sometimes i wish we could always make things better.

no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

c.s. lewis

when one is peeling potatoes

it is best if one does not also peel one’s index finger.

just saying, is all..

i want to…

i really believe

that if i ignore this ginormous pile of clothes in my room

it will magically fold itself.

mmmm.