i’m lonely.

i know this has been a recurring theme in my posts, but given that i mostly only blog when i’ve got things on my mind, i’m not surprised,hahaha…

there are very few people i can really talk to, whom i know understand where i’m coming from, who don’t judge me (well mostly, except when i am truly lazy and watch 10 hours of tv instead of studying, please, judge away..), and who are willing to actually listen to me whine, which, given my temperament, calls for a great deal of patience indeed.

most of these people are not currently here in Melbourne.

hence my loneliness.

something happened today that made me realise how we can all trumble along with life, not quite realising what’s going on under the surface.

in retrospect, everything seems a lot clearer.

sometimes you have to remove yourself from you, to see what’s not right, how things should be different, how i should be or could be different, but am not.

sometimes i need someone else to tell me to do this.

sometimes i need to see it somewhere else to recognise it in myself.

today i realised for the first time that the things i do or say can in fact affect someone’s life (hopefully for the better, although i’m sure i’ve caused lots of harm somewhere along the way).

maybe that’s the nature of medicine, that the essence of it in the end, is human contact.

maybe sometimes remembering that patients are people just like you and me, or maybe, we are just like our patients..maybe that’s what i need to remind me, sometimes.

sometimes i think i need reminding.

sometimes i think,

(i know)

i just need someone

to make it real for me.