The Price of Love

Love knows not its own depth,until the hour of separation. -kahlil gibran- On the 18th of April 2004,my dog Buffy died. To date,I have only told 2 people. Why?I don’t know. I don’t think she deserved to die.She was only 2. So why did God pick her?Why couldn’t it have been someone else?What about the thousands of serial killers and rapists and terrorists and murderers who actually DESERVE to die? Ok,maybe that was a little bit mean.I would never wish that on anyone,corrupt or otherwise. She was an extremely intelligent dog,considering that she learned to give me high-fives after 2 lessons. She would hide under the kitchen table,and when I came home she used to climb over the little barrier and chew on my socks. I loved her very much. When the doctor diagnosed her with kidney failure,she had to be admitted to be put on drip.She was so miserable,I hated seeing her suffer.The doctor asked me to consider euthanasia,but I refused. I wasn’t about to give up on her.I don’t think its up to anyone to decide when its time for someone to leave this world,not even a dog. So we brought her home.She refused to eat or drink,so I devoted about 3 hours a day to feeding her.She would only eat shredded chicken and blended k/d,which is the recommended food for dogs with malfunctioning kidneys.She refused most foods.I couldn’t even get her to eat Honey Stars.And when she didn’t eat,I would have to force-feed her,and I know she hated that.I still have the scars. Despite the fact that she ate so little,she never flagged.I don’t think she ever lost her zest for life. She would still climb over the barrier everyday,run up the stairs and attack my little stuffed frog toy. She still defended her orange rubber ball from Tara,my other dog. She would still sit on my lap when I was reading,all the while chewing on my toy frog. I would like to think she still loved me. In the last days of her life,I spent every free moment I could with her.I refused to believe that it was time for her to go. But then she died. I would hide in the bathroom crying,so no one would see.I didn’t want to believe it. I sat looking at her little cage for hours,wishing that she would come back. I would still come home hoping that she would be there waiting for me. But she was gone. Then I learnt of the Rainbow Bridge. There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.It’s called that because of its many colours.Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge is a land of meadows,hills and valleys,all covered with lush green grass.When a beloved pet dies, it goes to this lovely land.There,the old and frail are young again.The maimed are made whole once more.They play all day,content and comfortable. there is only one thing missing:they are not with the special person who loved them on Earth. But the day will come when pet and owner are reunited. Then,together,they cross the Rainbow Bridge,never again to be separated. I don’t know if it really exists.And I don’t care if every one else thinks I’m some kind of sentimental,crazy person who needs to get a grip on reality. But I believe its there. I cry because out there,she’s gone,but she’s not gone inside me. I don’t think it’s ever fair to lose someone or something you love. I loved her very much,but I guess God loved her more. Buffy taught me so many things.She loved me unconditionally,when I was in a bad mood,when I was having a bad day.She never questioned why I am the way I am.She accepted me for who I was and loved me anyway.Maybe she didn’t know the difference. Its funny, you begin by imagining that you are giving them so much,but you end by realising that they’ve given you so much more. For I have finally learnt to say goodbye.


June 21, 2004. MY So-Called Life.

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