AHA!

Aha.

Thank you for your ideas.

Now I have something to blog about.

Request Number One: Traffic Jams

I  generally do not like Traffic Jams. They are messy and loud (like me, only worse).

Also, I don’t understand why they are called Traffic Jams, since they are obviously not jams, and don’t taste very nice anyway. But for the sake of brevity, I will refer to them as Jams because congestion is too many letters.

I live in USJ 11. And as ANYONE WHO LIVES IN THE USJ AREA can attest, the Jam leading out of USJ is a living NIGHTMARE.

ESPECIALLY along the Summit stretch. Once last year, I was 40 minutes late for tuition because it was drizzling. Can you imagine?

I am still learning to drive. I’ve only driven for 12 hours so far, 2 of which ( rough estimate) I have spent in the Summit Jam. I am not exaggerating. In fact, during my lesson today, there MIRACULOUSLY was no Jam, so I was in a very very good mood.

Good mood=Not panicking=Successfully stopping the car in the Yellow Box =Pass slope  

Yay.

Every encounter with a Traffic Jam sets my dad off on a spiel. It goes something like this:

“Argh!!! (Insert expletive) !!!! Its the (Insert expletive) town planners!!! There are only TWO roads leading out of Subang!!! They have their brains in their bloody (insert expletive)…………”

Some parts are not really suitable for publishing, as I believe there are small children (and big babies) who read this sometimes.

I estimate that for as long as I’ve lived in Subang Jaya (since I was 7,so that would be 11 years), I’ve spent roughly 1/6 of those years sitting in the car. In a TRAFFIC JAM!

And to think that the REASON we moved here from Klang, was to avoid the Jam to KL.

Gawd.

But….I must admit that Traffic Jams aren’t ALL that bad. If you’re a passenger, that is.

For instance, every morning when my dad sends me to college, I manage to accomplish an astonishing number of things.

I can drink coffee ( I do this first,so it won’t spill on me later), wear my shoes, pack my bag, charge my mobile phone, update my PDA, fill my water bottle, poke my dog, read the newspapers and maybe poke my dog somemore.

And if its a REALLY bad Jam, sometimes I can do my Chemistry homework too.

Just joking.

But seriously, sometimes, if it weren’t for the Jam, I would never get my Maths work done.

Request Number 2: Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?

This is quite a perplexing one.The chicken cannot have come first, because chickens come from eggs. But an egg has to get laid by a chicken (wait..I just realised what I wrote…. ;o) )

But now, I realise the answer is glaringly obvious.

Neither the chicken nor the egg came first.

I’ll tell you what came first.

 Ronald McDonald.

Without him, we may never have Egg McMuffins or McChickens.

Nothing beats ingesting 100 grams of saturated fat and cholesterol every morning.

Yum!

HA!

Request Number 3: My Comments On The O.C. and Smallville

This is what Fabes says:

ben mac is cute, not good looking. tom well is good looking n manly n he has superpowers in the smallville series, beat dat ben mac! plus a particular actress, namely kristin kreuk (she’s cute n hot), makes smallville an even more interesting series to watch compared to oc…but i must admit dat oc is actually quite addictive though, wit its funny characters n rich kids lifestyle. nevertheless smallville is the best!

WAIIIITTT!!!!

Smallville is based on a COMIC BOOK CHARACTER.

Superman does not exist ( oh mighty comic book people, please forgive me).

Orange County, on the other hand is an ACTUAL place, where ACTUAL people live, and ACTUAL things happen there.

Granted, it may not be as dramatic as on the show, but still…its NOT A FICTIONAL PLACE.

Also, it is fun to watch rich kids self destruct. HAHA!

But I will concede that Tom Welling is hot. But seriously, you HAVE to believe me…he bears an eerie resemblance to Yoanna House….

It is also fun to watch Lex Luthor’s egg-like bald head.

Its SHINY.

Sometimes, its so shiny, you can see the camera’s reflection.

I like shiny things.

Request Number Four: Andy’s Gay Wrinkly Derriere

The Andy in question, is of course, Andy Lau.

Andy Lau, my dear friend, is not gay (Unlike…um…yourself..oops..secret’s out…)

I do not know what his derriere looks like, because I am nice and innocent (stop snickering!I can hear you!) and not at all pervy. (Unlike…um…you…)

But I think I can safely say that even if his derriere was wrinkly, it still wouldn’t make a difference because he is still SO HOT. A bit old, maybe, but STILL SO HOT. (NOTE: He wasn’t really so hot in the 90s,but I think as he grew older,he got better)

Like Viggo Mortensen, who is (was) all hairy and macho and cooool in the LOTR trilogy.

Back to Andy.

If you watched any Hong Kong movies lately, you’d probably have noticed that Andy Lau stars in quite a number. The Infernal Affairs trilogy, Love on a Diet, Fulltime Killer, Running On Karma, Needing You, Magic Kitchen, Dance of A Dream, and Century of the Dragon are just a few examples.

Now, if you’d take your eyes off boA ( or any other teenybopper u come across, and anyway we ALL know its just a cover and you’re really dying to find the name of her stylist) for just one moment and actually watch one of these movies, you’d find that ANDY LAU TOTALLY ROCKS IN ALL OF THEM!!!

I recommend Infernal Affairs (1 2 and 3), Love on a Diet, and Century of the Dragon.

Infernal Affairs 2, by the way, features Shawn Yue, whom I think is the second HOTTEST Chinese star. After Andy, of course.

Trust me.

[Note: I’m just kidding, I know you’re not gay…but the pervy bit is true,you have to admit..]

Thanks once again to all the wonderful people who came up with these things.

I must go sleep now.

Those dang gnomes, they’re back.

September 16, 2004. MY So-Called Life.

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