Crazy Firsts

it is: friday.

i have:

• watched The Wedding Date (again)
• found out i have too many books for my own good
• fallen in love with a pair of shoes (nothing new there)
• made a total of 6 phone calls to the telephone company, since they’ve cleverly cancelled my broadband (i’m on dial up now, for the love of God)
• had my insides squished. which is a nice word.

on the upside, i have:

• not actually bought any shoes (but i will, if they’re still there, cross your fingers!)
• cleared 2 bookcases.
• and i can’t think of anything else.

most importantly, today i learned that making yourself the first and foremost priority in your life is sometimes the best thing you can do. maybe it’s a self preservation thing, i don’t know. but at some point or other, this is the best way to go on.

someone i know would say this is selfish, and i agree, it is. it is selfish, self-centred and narcissistic. 

but i’m also very tired- it’s like trying to empty a lake by drinking the water, cup by cup. granted, this is a dramatic analogy but my point is…

i’m tired of fighting a battle i don’t know for sure i can win. 

i’m tired of fighting for something that i no longer think is worth it, although i should have known it wasn’t anyway.

i’m just…tired.

for maybe the first time, in a long time…i’m enjoying the nothingness. 

sometimes, really…the best thing…is just…nothing.

moving on now,people…