and i remember the sound

of your November downtown

i remember the truth,

a warm December with you

but i don’t have to make this mistake

and i don’t have to stay this way

if only i would wake.

it’s been awhile.

what’s happened since then?

what exciting, drama filled events have transpired since then?

many, many, many trips to somewhere i hated at first, then gradually learned to tolerate, then slowly grew to love, and then was sad to leave.

seven weeks with people i love so much, so, so much.

and i never wanted to leave again,

but i did.

i can’t wait to go back.

in times of need,

i will always remember-

the kindness of strangers

help in the most unexpected places.

i have read and read and read

and yet i remain.

i seek to understand,

but still i cannot.

perhaps it isn’t the actual understanding i need at this time,

but the knowledge and realisation that i need to understand, that i must strive to understand.

i will try harder.

i can change and i will change and it will be for the better.

and in 20 weeks, 20 short weeks,

i will be home again.


February 6, 2009. MY So-Called Life.

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