open your arms

sometimes,when life is going (relatively) well for me

(by which i mean i have no dilemmas e.g. which colour to pick hahaha ok not really)

i like to do soul-destroying, confidence-shattering, and generally self-worth-undermining things.

i do this every so often, and then i often feel like a heel (and the crap it’s stepped in) for the rest of the day

so i TRY to do it at suitable times, e.g. 8 pm, when it’s late enough to not totally mess up the rest of the day but not too late that it stops me from sleeping.

(HA, that is a lie, nothing stops me from sleeping.)

i wonder why i continue to do these stupid things.

actually i must admit that deep down, i do know the reason,

(even if i try and hide or deny it)

and so do you,

except i can’t actually tell you,

because then you’d know that i know you know.

oh screw it we all know.


yesterday i had a long conversation with a friend about a situation we both wish we could do something about, or say something about, or just understand, really..

but then again it’s really none of our business

mind your own beeswax

is what we will be doing

(except i am allergic to beestings)


it’s too early in the day to be thinking about all these things.

i’m looking forward to my thursday and friday and saturday.


in the meantime, i’m going to lie in bed and listen to music and think happy thoughts.



November 4, 2009. MY So-Called Life.

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