make it real for me.
i’m lonely.
i know this has been a recurring theme in my posts, but given that i mostly only blog when i’ve got things on my mind, i’m not surprised,hahaha…
there are very few people i can really talk to, whom i know understand where i’m coming from, who don’t judge me (well mostly, except when i am truly lazy and watch 10 hours of tv instead of studying, please, judge away..), and who are willing to actually listen to me whine, which, given my temperament, calls for a great deal of patience indeed.
most of these people are not currently here in Melbourne.
hence my loneliness.
something happened today that made me realise how we can all trumble along with life, not quite realising what’s going on under the surface.
in retrospect, everything seems a lot clearer.
sometimes you have to remove yourself from you, to see what’s not right, how things should be different, how i should be or could be different, but am not.
sometimes i need someone else to tell me to do this.
sometimes i need to see it somewhere else to recognise it in myself.
today i realised for the first time that the things i do or say can in fact affect someone’s life (hopefully for the better, although i’m sure i’ve caused lots of harm somewhere along the way).
maybe that’s the nature of medicine, that the essence of it in the end, is human contact.
maybe sometimes remembering that patients are people just like you and me, or maybe, we are just like our patients..maybe that’s what i need to remind me, sometimes.
sometimes i think i need reminding.
sometimes i think,
(i know)
i just need someone
to make it real for me.
what ever happened?
it’s a cold, rainy night,
and my fingers are frozen.
there are two things on my mind right now
one which i cannot disclose, for professional reasons,
and another,
which i will not disclose, because i cannot articulate it.
what then, is the point, of telling you i have something on my mind,
and yet
not telling you?
i don’t know either.
if only i understood my mind, my damn thinking process, always thinking and thinking, why am i always thinking?
GAH.
stop thinking, me.
grrr.
geegollywhiz!
oh my god,
theyskens is leaving nina ricci?
i’m really out of it.
this had better be worth it…
My Space
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.
And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
it always makes me want to cry.
thursday nights-
the still, humid air
crickets,
my piano,
midnight.
the still, humid air-
i thought i’d left it behind,
but no.
solitude,
quiet,
sleep.
i wish it could be easier
i wish what was right could be easy
i wish i was stronger
i wish you would be strong with me,
for me.
POOK POOK 